Parkay Quarts
Content Nausea
Reviewed by: Brian Roser
Why couldn’t it be anyone else? I have reviewed some amazing bands in several different genres of music, but the one band I get to review twice was the first one to whom I gave a rating lower than semi-obnoxious. Parquet Courts first changed their name to Parkay Quarts and are now Parkay Quartz. Either that, or they have no idea how to spell their own name and give a different answer every time they are asked what it is. Despite all the times their name has changed, however, absolutely nothing else about them has. Andrew Savage’s voice is still awful, they still can’t play their instruments and the delivery is still without any real emotion. At first I forgot why Savage mostly spoke the lyrics, until he actually started singing in “Slide Machine” and then it came back to me. His singing sucks. What I’m trying to say is that Content Nausea is a very apt name for this album.
The first track is “Every Day it Starts”. It has few lyrics, intolerable music and no redeeming value whatsoever. The absolute worst, however, is their remake of “These Boots Are Made for Walking”. Why? Why would you do that to this song? It hurts my soul to hear this done worse than the local middle school talent show. Not only that, but coming from a man, the song is no longer about female empowerment and is far more sinister. A later song features the question: “Will the epitaph say insufferable?” The answer of course is yes, yes it will.
The end of the album features the track “Uncast Shadow of a Southern Myth”. In this song, Savage actually tries to inject some poetry into his music. Not ability, competence or coherence mind you, but poetry nonetheless. It reminded me of the stuff kids did in high school when the only time you could get an “A” from your English teacher was when they had no idea what you were trying to say. Plenty of Southern imagery is evoked: the bloodlands of Antietam, the jangling keys of Graceland. This is nice, but the song has no through line and the point he is trying to make is completely opaque.
The third best thing this band could do is just stick to amateur night at the corner pub’s poetry slam. The second best thing they could do is learn to sing and play their instruments. The best thing they could do for humanity is to get a day job and stop making albums.
Rating: Intolerable
